And I did it again! All things had been mixed up for me this few days. Everything is not right and I realize that I’m not in control of my life. I try to be logical in everything that I do but it seems so obvious that I did that just to please others. Although I’m happy to be doing what most of us consider the Good Samaritan thing, deep inside, I felt it was totally wrong. Despite all, it was not from the heart.
Today, I went out again. Alone as always. Spent an hour browsing around UMS, doing nothing in particular, mostly sight seeing and trying to recall the many things that I had went through so far in my 3 years time studying here. It all started here, when I think I’m sure of myself and my capabilities. The surroundings had mapped me all the way round. As time goes by, when I think I’m getting matured by nature and experiences, I’d become weaker. I’m not sure of everything and I’m confused by my own choices and the responsibility of making decision after it.
After an hour of sight seeing, I went to CP, doing more or less of window shopping until I finally decided on buying shirt. To my amaze, I started picking up shirts that are not really my kind but somehow attract me. At the end, I bought a black shirt which on it was written ‘Limited Time Offer’. Well, black is not really my color but I bought it anyway. Met a few friends but it doesn’t excites me much so I excused myself from the group and went on my own. Then comes the second sight seeing before I call my cousin which was a boat away from KK. Upon reaching, he quickly asked what was bothering me because I forced him to accompany me particularly doing nothing, found out after I got home. Then we went to a saloon, where I usually had my hair cut. Fortunately Nicky was there. I’m a regular customer and every time I had my hair cut or whatever, Nicky would be the one doing it. I like her because she easy to talk with and of course knew my style. I had my hair sloop and she did some bleaching, you know the highlighting thing. Because I’m regular customer, I only paid RM31 instead of RM36. So much for the discount huh…
Afterward, my cousin and I had our dinner at Tanjung Aru and he told me some stories that are kinda exciting but still didn’t help me much on my mood. I guess he was a bit frustrated then, and I started doing some crazy jokes but it didn’t help cheering the situation much. Tried to send sms to some friends, but I just don’t know what went wrong with the network. I stop sending sms after a few fail trials and I just leave my mobile unattended for quite some times until I receive a call from a friends asking where I am. “Finally,” I said, deep in my heart with a very meaningful sigh. Hahaha…
We then went to Sugar Bun Beach Street, have a couple of drinks and I noticed that the band is singing the Kadazan R&B Song. Like the song very much although I don’t know who’s the singer. Made my head empty every time I heard that song.
There’s nothing much really, I just wrote another episode of Ned’s boredom. Maybe I shouldn’t have call me cousin and enjoy my time alone. Maybe I should just go back to Kota Marudu and lets things come and gone or maybe I should just face the reality that king heart always dominates my world…but what’s next?
2 weeks ago