I Guess, It's Just Hard To Be Her ...

Whenever I started an entry, I will always think how relevant the topic is to the public. How far can my writing persuade the interest of my readers? Foremost, will my readers able to understand what I am trying to convey?

Now, let me go to the fact of the matter here. Last night, I went out with a bunch of friends. Yes, most of them are indeed my best and closest friends. After a gathering somewhere in KK , we went to have our usual ‘vocal practice’ where some of us ended up drunk. Happens all the time, I must confess. The thing was, yes, as usual too, I will be the driver for some of them and it happened that one my girl friend was a bit tipsy and slept on my shoulder the whole time while I was driving to send her back. There were just the two of us in the car after dropping off another friend of mine. Upon reaching her house, she suddenly cried and said “it’s nice to have a friend like you.” Sobbing and sobbing while speaking. I tried to calm her but ignorance was a blest. True enough, she started calming down after a while we were at the parking lot.

Then she said “Can I kiss you?”

I was a bit shocked but I did offer a french kiss for her convenience, to make it short. Now people, this is not like you thought it would be. We didn’t end up on anybody’s bed. It was a mere gentle kiss, maybe a bit passionate, but that was it. And she cried again. I tried to understand her but it all seems dark and out of place. Finally she said “I only ask that to someone I can trust”.

At that point, I understood what the tears were all about. She’s just lonely and wanted company, I assumed. I was there, stayed for a couple of minutes talking, wishing her mood will be gearing up soon until she said that it’s about time we go to inside the house. I was confused and a bit bothered. She’s looking at me, wanting to be understood. I said to her maybe not tonight. Or maybe, never on any other nights.

I took my leave after I was sure that she’s already inside the house. My mind wondered for explanation. Have I done the right thing?

It’s 4.38 am and suddenly my hp rang. It’s a text message saying “Ned, thanks for being such an understanding person. I was hoping that we can have lunch together today (since it’s already today) just the two of us. And I said, why not, it could be arranged.

I'm sitting as I wrote this, thinking, what would happened if I went with her to her house tonight. Would it be any different from my decision now? I can be wild on bed, yes, giving her a blast of the night. Naughty thought I know, but not to her. She’s so fragile and I don’t want to take advantage of that. I'm sorry for the tough life she had endured so far and I really wish to be a part of it, lending my shoulders to carry the burden with her. If she just give me the chance; I guess, it’s just hard to be her ...


Frankie said…
Firstly, I think tht to her, you’re the closest person she can think of to let out her emotion…where she can let out,be free to let go all the sadness or anything else inside of her. It’s painful to keep it by her own. You’re someone that can comfort her…maybe she feel secured to be by your side. But there are some ‘black holes’ inside of her that, as an anonymous person of me in this situation, my coments is much limited based on ur post alone. And part of my comments may not reflect the exact situation but I’ll give my opinion to my best, friend.
There are 2 posibilities of these cries (of her),
1st…problems on her life. Either the recent break up, the ‘can’t-get-away’ memories and stuck to her mind. This is a bit ‘danger’ and destructive to ur relationship if u want it to be more than just a friend. Rebound love…oh I don’t encourage.
2nd possibility, the cry that says ‘why can’t u understand, Ned?’ Woman, is in their gene, prone to give you subtle hints.
It’s a good decision that u didn’t end up on bed last night. So I guess, maybe today’s lunch will be ‘clear-the-clouds’ conversation with her. Talk to her, dig out all the cry-matters then you should know which possibility does it lead to…the 1st or the 2nd one.
After all, it’s all up to u, my fren. Follow your heart.It's you that matters,first. Benevolence (B) and Love (L) are 2 different things. If you ask me to match them…B for 1st while L for 2nd possibility.
I hope my 2cents do help you.
andrew said…
omg ~ free kiss.. haha... yea, as gentleman shouldn't take advantages on gals.. good job bro !! Salute !
i guess.. it's just hard to be her... sigh..
Amos said…
Heys bro =) wunna say dat, u did a great decision =D "thumbs up~!" dats what real relation are for u noe =) understanding each other and not taking any advantages =D find my older post about love =D maybe it will help u more =) "High 5 for u" =D
cLaiRe Bennet said…
whoah~ tu ja sy mampu. ;)