The chosen One
Because I BELIEVE, ONE Man Can Change The World.

Aku Yang Manja I: Di Mana Semuanya Bermula

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
SELAMAT Hari Deeapavali dan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin. Terasa belum terlewat bagi aku untuk mengucapkannya kepada semua, khasnya pembaca-pembaca dan pengunjung-pengujung blog aku. Antara dua perayaan yang paling besar di negara ini, disambut oleh semua masyarakat Malaysia, kita memang bernasib baik kerana telah berpeluang menyambut begitu banyak perayaan hasil integrasi kaum di negara ini. Tidak seperti negara-negara yang lain, kita dapat mengamalkan dan mempraktikkan kepercayaan, norma-norma hidup mengikut kaum dan perayaan samada ianya perayaan berupa kepercayaan ataupun budaya ataupun perayaan perkauman tetapi disambut oleh semua lapisan masyarakat dalam situasi yang aman dan damai. Oleh itu, kita sepatutnya bersyukur dan berusaha untuk mempertahankan apa yang kita ada sekarang. Aku pun secara peribadi, menyayangi negara ini, kerana aku sebahagian daripada kemakmurannya.

Untuk posting kali ini, aku akan bercerita mengenai pengalaman rayaku yang sekaligus mengingatkanku tentang keberadaanku suatu ketika dulu. Setahu aku, aku memang anak yang manja. Daripada dulu lagi, keluarga, saudara mara dan kawan-kawan rapat aku mengenaliku sebagai anak manja. Aku sendiri telah lupa yang sebenarnya aku ini anak manja sehingga raya pertama tahun ini, aku sempat berkunjung ke rumah saudara mara yang beragama Islam. Jangan tidak tahu. Aku mempunyai tiga orang abang dan kesemua abang aku memeluk agama Islam setelah berkahwin. Sebelah bapa pula, hampir semua pakcik-pakcik aku beragama Islam jadi tidak hairanlah bila aku mempunyai cara hidup yang dekat kepada Islam. Cuma, kadang-kadang aku takut bila ada kawan-kawan Islam yang tidak dapat menerima aku walaupun aku senang berkawan dengan mereka.
Berbalik kepada pengalaman raya tadi, ada yang terkejut melihatku, kerana sudah lama tidak berjumpa, ada yang tidak jemu-jemu bertanya soalan akan kehilanganku selama ini. Aku jawab – aku di sini juga, cuma sibuk dengan alam persekolahan..lagipun aku dah final year – Ramai sepupu-sepupu aku sudah berkahwin dan membina keluarga masing-masing dan ada juga yang telah bekerja di semenanjung dan kesempatan ini aku ambil untuk beramah mesra dengan mereka. Anak-anak buah juga bertambah ramai dan jangan tidak tahu, aku memang suka dengan kanak-kanak. Yang mengenali aku secara dekat, mereka akan tahu betapa aku begitu addict dengan budak-budak ni.

Raya pertama, aku melawat ke rumah kakak iparku. Memang banyak kuih dan kuih kegemaran kuih mestilah kuih makmur. Aku paling suka kuih makmur! Malamnya pula, aku berkunjung ke rumah dua rakan baikku. Balik ke rumah je, sudah pukul 11. Hari kedua pula, aku berkunjung ke rumah salah seorang daripada pakcikku yang beragama Islam. Di sanalah aku seperti menjejak kasih kerana berjumpa dengan begitu ramai saudara mara dan kawan-kawan rapatku satu ketika dulu. Memang gembira dapat berjumpa dengan mereka yang begitu lama tidak bersua muka. Lalu keluarlah segala cerita lama dan gurau senda. Kiranya, raya tahun ini adalah sangat meriah bagi aku secara peribadi. Semua ni membawa aku mengingati zaman kanak-kanakku. Di mana segalanya bermula...

Beralih kepada cerita manja aku pula, seperti yang aku katakan, aku memang anak yang manja sehingga beberapa orang makcikku memanggil aku dengan nama ‘manja’. Aku tidak kisah sebab aku memang manja. Oleh sebab aku manja dan sering dimenang dan dilindungi oleh parents aku, abang-abang dan kakakku memang tidak selasa dan sering membuliku. Hahaha, kalau ingat lagi, lucu pula sebab semua sudah besar panjang sekarang. Tapi memang teruk masa tu. Abang-abang dan kakakku team up untuk kenakan aku. Kesiankan.. Kalau aku sakit ja, aku akan minta mama untuk tidur di sebelahku, minta dibelikan barang mainan dan banyak lagilah. Pernah sekali mama terpaksa mengikut kursus untuk 2 minggu, aku macam hilang arah di rumah. Aku masih ingat. Aku berumur 8 tahun masa tu, baru darjah 2. Kerana terlalu rindu, aku masuk bilik parents aku dan curi baju mama untuk dicium pada waktu aku tidur. Hahaha, lucukan... kerana aku terlalu manja juga, aku tidak boleh ditinggalkan di rumah kalau parents aku jalan pergi mana-mana. Ada satu ketika, aku kejar parents aku sampai pekan Kota Marudu dari rumah hanya dengan berjalan kaki..Kerja gila tapi selepas tu, aku tidak pernah ditinggalkan di rumah lagi. Takut aku akan kejar mereka lagi.. tapi aku masih ingat kenapa aku kejar mereka – sebab setiap kali aku ditinggalkan, mesti aku dibuli oleh abang-abang dan kakakku... takut...

Begitulah serba serbi mengenai kemanjaanku. Ini baru bahagian I. Ada masa nanti aku sambung dan kamu semua akan tahu betapa manjanya aku dan bagaimana kemanjaan itu mencabar kehidupan aku sehingga aku menjadi seperti apa yang aku ada sekarang...
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Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
When Yasmin Ahmad, the Director of SEPET commented Mawi for being so genuinely truthful in singing 'Pupus' and adding that, when someone sings, she regarded the person as a story teller, trying to tell her a story..
When I first listen to this song, I remember what Yasmin said that night. And I believe her. Its not just the song, but the singer too...
I like this song because it potrays something of my past life. Something that were better kept silent..

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you


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Aku Simpan Kebodohan Ini

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Kalau orang kata aku bodoh,
Aku akan terus menumbuk dan menerjang
Perjuangan ini tidak akan pernah selesai
Dan kalau orang kata aku gila,
Aku akan terus menulis kisah amarahku
Yang hanya tersimpan tidak terlakar.

Kalau orang kata aku bodoh,
Masa dan keadaan akan terus bercerita,
Aku simpan kebodohan itu
Sampai terakhir ceritera ini.

Ned®
Ums, Kota Kinabalu
27hb Oktober 2005
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A Conversation With Two Friends I

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
My phone rang suddenly when I was doing my assignment. It’s about 8 p.m. I guess. It’s Peter asking me to go out with them. Peter recently graduated from UPM doing accounting. Actually we are at the same age but he took matriculation and was ahead of me for 1 year since I took Form 6. I ask him what the plan is and honestly tell him that if he has clubbing on mind, that night is not a good night. One friend invited me to a birthday party that night and some said clubbing will be a good choice but I said I rather finish my assignment. Been doing it, I think, for a couple of hours, since sunset and kinda exhausted. Then Peter call and ask me whether I would like to join them for drink together with Janice. Janice? I was shocked. I had not heard from her like 3 or probably 4 years now since she went abroad after SPM. Doing A-level at the UK before entering Briston. Some people are just lucky... Hahaha, made me think of my life here. Well, it’s not that bad really. There are two of my friend closest friends who managed to go abroad. Another is Rach, who just graduated last year from Pune Memorial College, India, the place where Marsha AF3 should be going too actually but AF3 made her change her mind.
I reach Wisma Merdeka’s Coffee Bean half an hour later. It opens until 12 midnight now. Saw them sitting together. It’s raining cats and dogs at the time and upon seeing me, both of them were kind shocked. Hahaha... they said I had gain weight. Yeah rite, but still look daring handsome eligible bachelor. Another, yeah rite.
Janice said, she’s actually waiting for her cousin to pick her up but not until 10.30. I have to say Janice look prettier than before. And Peter, as usual, with his stylo looks. We were talking about ourselves most of the time especially when suddenly Peter ask Janice about her boyfriend. Janice had been staying with her aunt at Putrajaya since she graduted last year and often spend time with Peter since they’re both at KL. From what I understand, Janice’s x is actually a Sabahan too, staying somewhere at Kingfisher. Quite near to UMS, I said. Janice and her x met at KL. Her x was doing master at UPM too, something to do with computers, I think, listening from their conversation. And all of the sudden the conversation turns into something very serious. I was a bit disturb cause what I have on mind was all the fun stuffs but it’s an interesting talk when Peter acted like a matured guy. Something I didn’t see before, hahaha. It’s nice maybe if I share some of the story to you guys. Maybe we can get something from here.

Peter: I think I saw your boyfriend yesterday at Flying Club.
Janice: Which bf?
Me: Hahaha, don’t tell me you have more than one…
Janice: Easy come, easy go mah...
Me: That explains.
Peter: The one you said doing master…
Janice: Aya, don’t want to hear his namelah
Peter: I thought you guys were like the happiest couple in whole universe?
Janice: That’s a long story.
Peter: We’ve got time kan Ned?
Me: Another sad story from the drama queen I guess.
Janice: I dump him lah but not intentionally...
Peter: Because of Nick lah kan... Thought you guys had something that day...
Janice: No lah you. Heard so many things from Ken’s friends. So many things that I don’t want to believe at first but then it happens one day that I figure out that he’s seeing someone behind my back.
Me: Kes main kayu tigalah ni…
Janice: What to do…
Peter: So what happen?
Janice: I dump him of course. You wouldn’t expect me to get dumped by him kan. Although the feeling is still there...
Me: I fight if I were you...
Janice: Differentlylah Ned. Not like what you guys think. I trusted him all this time and all I know is to make him happy. It’s like you’ve been stabbed at the back, hearing that.
Me: How did you know that actually?
Janice: You mean he’s seeing another girl?
Me: Yup.
Janice: Came across his sms this one night. I was so shock actually but I pretended nothing happen until I was at home. I call him but he refuse to say anything at first but I said I read his sms then he begin admitting it.
Me: Another truth revealed by mobile…
Peter: Happens to me many times. That’s why I change my girlfriend names as if they were guys but still have a secret to identify them…
Janice: You guys are a total bullshit.
Peter: Don’t get to seriouslah you
Me: Yalah, as if there were no other guys here...
Peter: So what happened?
Janice: He kept calling me and I become tired of it. I started acting like I’m over it. Seeing many guys to burn my lonesome, hahaha. Funny…But actually, is not him lah. He said that the girl was he’s x but at that time, I don’t trust him anymore but I tried to be with him again and at the same time, I fall for another guy...hahaha...tapi keep it in my heartlah. Tell you, this guy is unreachable lah. We were at the same department actually. He’s so cute… macam Greg Utt...
Peter: Total slut..Must be Nick..
Janice: What do you expect...Nicklah…
Me: Manage to catch that guy lah…
Janice: No...
Peter: Why?
Janice: Long storylah. I thought he’s interested in me too at first tapi hard to say lah..
Me: Say anythinglah..
Peter: Attached you mean..
Janice: Something like that lah…
Me: Something like that lah what?
Janice: Aya you guys ah… the guy was having a rough time with her gf bah at that time. I was merely a rebound.
Me: Sounds familiar… very sad. I know…
Peter: Rite. Meaning to say, you guys try to have a relationshiplah? So what happen after that?
Janice: Well, I haven’t told him anything about my feeling of course and was kinda sad that time. He treated me as if im his psychiatric. I listen to every word he says and try to help every now and then. Hm...
Me: And?
Janice: Well, I don’t know for sure whether he and his gf manage to get over it but I sense that he’s happy now.
Peter: Sure or not?
Janice: Not sure lah but I hope things are getting well lah.
Me: And you?
Janice: As what you can see, I went home lah. To the land below the wind?
Peter: Yeah. Since I don’t have any plan working there, we might get together every now and then?
Me: HAhaha, I’m still studying lah you guys...
Peter: Who said anything about quitting? You study, you studylah... Join us if you want...
Me: Wah, so sarcastic eh? So Janice, how were you these days? Hope you still got your senses. Beside, there are some many nice men here. Sure you have one that you like...
Janice: Don’t really care about that anymore. At least for now. I’m tired of committing and being nice to people who aren’t nice to me in return.
Peter: You go girl…

to be continued
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Pesanan Buat Pembaca..

Saturday, November 05, 2005
Aku akan update blog ni secepat mungkin. Harap kawan2 dapat bersabar...
Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin...
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A blogger who blogs when he feels like it. A teacher who is learning to be a better one everyday. A person who likes photography but is not good at shutter speed and what the heck is the rules of third? A man who believes that you can change the world.

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